The Week In Music: Sinéad O'Connor Wants Someone Incomparable

GRAMMY-winning songstress mounts a full Web assault to find her perfect match
  • Photo: Shirlaine Forres/
    Sinéad O'Connor
September 02, 2011 -- 4:00 am PDT

With the calendar turning to September, carefree summer days are unfortunately coming to a halt. Most of us are looking to squeeze in one last bit of fun before we turn the page to autumn. Enter Sinéad O'Connor, who is not only looking for fun, but some, shall we say, action. In a recent posting to her website, the GRAMMY-winning songstress publically launched an official companion contest. "My s***-uation sexually/affectionately speaking is so dire that inanimate objects are starting to look good," wrote O'Connor. "I'm in desperate need of a very sweet sex-starved man." While a contest winner was declared on Aug. 24, O'Connor later announced that "sadly the chosen winner of the quest for [my] man has revealed [a] pregnant girlfriend." Thus, the search continues, and interested parties are still encouraged to apply. But before sending in an application, make sure you can answer no to the following questions: Are you a male older than 44? Do you use a hair dryer? Do you shave? Do you hate your mother? Is your name Brian or Nigel? Are you unemployed? It would seem exceptions can be made as O'Connor has said that "women will also be very much considered." And, if you're a "mindblowingly filthy freak," you just may be bumped to the front of the line.

When Keith Richards reportedly said in 2007 that he'd mixed his dad's cremated ashes with cocaine and snorted them, it seemed not only to be a tall tale (which it in fact turned out to be), but perhaps the first and only time we'd hear about someone's remains becoming a drug of choice. Well, this is rock and roll, so naturally news has come out that Tupac Shakur's former posse, Outlawz, rolled his ashes up in a spliff and smoked them. Group member E.D.I. said, "If you listen to 'Black Jesus,' [Tupac] says 'Last wishes, niggas smoke my ashes,' so that was a request that he had. Now whether how serious he was about it…. We took the s*** serious." At the time of his comment, Richards claimed he was "trying to say how tight [my dad] and I were." Apparently, Tupac and the Outlawz were tighter.

Rap kings Jay-Z and Kanye West, who recently made news on the heels of their successful collaboration Watch The Throne, could be joining forces again, but this time in a collaboration that will likely stay off the record. Following Beyoncé's  announcement on the 2011 MTV Video Music Awards that she and hubby Jay-Z are expecting, West is jumping on the baby train and is reportedly certain that he will be appointed the child's godfather. "Kanye is as excited about the baby as Beyoncé and Jay-Z," a source told "He's been saying he's going to be godfather and is absolutely chuffed." According to the report, Nicki Minaj has shown interest in the role of said baby's godmother. While there may be 99 problems ahead for Beyoncé and Jay-Z with a new baby onboard, finding a godmother and godfather team will definitely not be one.

When in need of love advice, one is likely to seek counsel from a good friend. If in need of medical attention, the hospital is likely your best bet. But starting this fall, if you are in need of medical- or love-related assistance, you can seek alternative counsel from Ozzy Osbourne. On Oct. 11 Metal's Prince of Darkness will release Trust Me, I'm Dr. Ozzy, a book culling his advice columns in the UK's Sunday Times and Rolling Stone. Among the tips you'll receive include methods for keeping your son off cigarettes ("Throw some [cigarette] ash on his cornflakes") and cures for the common cold ("Smoke some weed" or "Have ye some sex"). While Ozzy seems like an unlikely candidate to turn to for any advice, this is the man who has survived Black Sabbath, biting bats and doves, and reality TV. While readers are advised to incorporate the advice at their own risk, maybe Dr. Ozzy is on to a cure-all crazy train.

In 1967 Donovan hit No. 2 on the Hot 100 with "Mellow Yellow," in which he predicted, "Electrical banana is gonna be a sudden craze." Nearly 45 years later, it seems he was close. But if Solange Knowles — sister of Beyoncé — has even a bit of her sibling's trendsetting ability, the next sudden craze will be inflatable bananas. Knowles was denied entrance to a Miami nightclub because she was in possession of a 5-feet-tall blow-up banana. Police apparently threatened to deflate the banana, and escorted Knowles away from the club. Knowles ultimately blamed the incident on racism. To both Solange and the Miami Police Department we say, in the words of John Belushi channeling Sigmund Freud on "Saturday Night Live": "Sometimes a banana is just a banana."

Maroon 5's "Moves Like Jagger" featuring Christina Aguilera is No. 1 on the Billboard Hot 100 and Adele's "Someone Like You" is tops on the iTunes singles chart.

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