Sure, David Letterman might give you a Top 10 list, but in tribute to my rock and roll heroes in Spinal Tap — nominated this year for Best Comedy Album — I'd like to go one extra step. And so from my privileged position backstage writing Music's Biggest Night, I offer you the people my Top 11 Reasons To Watch The GRAMMY Awards Sunday night on CBS:
1) Because none of us really knows what Jennifer Lopez will be wearing, and knowledge is power.
2) Because we guarantee you at least three-and-a-half hours of totally free, top-notch entertainment. Go ahead and try getting those same rates on Broadway, at your local multiplex or from a fully licensed sex worker. Trust me, folks, I tried on your behalf, and it just can't be done.
3) Because only on Music's Biggest Night will you see Miley Cyrus, T-Pain and Plácido Domingo all sharing the same stage. Check my math, but I believe that's at least one-third of a Three Tenors reunion.
4) Because you can still vote, even during the show, to decide one song that my Garden State homeboys Bon Jovi will play during their first-ever GRAMMY performance. Personally, I'm going off the ballot to launch a massive write-in campaign for "Life Is A Rock (But The Radio Rolled Me)" by Reunion or "The Wreck Of The Edmund Fitzgerald" by Gordon Lightfoot.
5) Because if you don't watch, you might possibly hurt Taylor Swift's feelings. Do that and Taylor might write a really great song about you.
6) Because you can rest assured you will spend time in the presence of true musical royalty — not just Lady Gaga or Lady Antebellum, but also those Kings of Leon. Prince has been known to show up at the GRAMMYs too, though Queen seems less likely. And let's not forget about Celine Dion, Jennifer Hudson, Smokey Robinson, Carrie Underwood, and Usher all coming together to celebrate the fallen King of Pop.
7) Because Mary J. Blige and Andrea Bocelli will be singing "Bridge Over Troubled Water" to raise money for Haitian relief. I believe that these two will be so good together that on Monday the tabloids will collectively dub them "Bligeocelli."
8) Because there will be an in memoriam segment during the show, and unless things go very badly for any of us this weekend, we probably won't be in it.
9) Because deep down, you understand that the Pro Bowl is utterly meaningless and frankly a little silly, and you'd much rather see the all-stars of music playing their Super Bowl.
10) Because it will give you the time to finally figure out where that accent in Beyoncé's name really goes.
11) Because even if you think you're too hip to watch, you are probably wrong. Don't make that mistake. Watch early and often.
(Click here to read Wild's other GRAMMY blog installments.)